And suddenly, it was like he never existed.
Like I imagined everything about our relationship.
All of those nights I lost sleep talking to him until the sun rose, and the afternoons I fell asleep in Chemistry class. Those days I raced home to start Skype, and occasionally having to just settle with hearing his voice instead of seeing his face.
How it felt when he flew into Oregon, shaking and nervous. The happiness I savored as he kissed me when Drew left us alone together. The warmth I felt race through my body when he whispered “I love you” into my ear during a slow dance at my prom. But the biggest thing, the thing I always remember is the look he would give me. With that one look, he didn’t have to say anything else. No one had ever looked at me like that. In that look, there was so much love, happiness, and it had a promise. The promise that he would never be able to leave, even though he lived 3,000 miles away, he would never be truly away from me.
I have faith in true love, I believe it exists and I believe I have it with him. So I guess that’s why I still am shocked when I wake up every morning and remember that he gave up on me. Even after weeks of being alone, I still think of him when I wake every morning and when I close my eyes every night. Sometimes, though, when I’m really lucky… I can sleep without being tormented by nightmares of him. I’ve never been very lucky.